It’s been a while since things have gone my way so overwhelmingly that I haven’t had a chance to bitch. I could always go and watch the President of USA for a while and for a while I’m the luckiest, most intelligent being in the world. But I reserve that kind of self-appreciation to once a day, usually 11 in the night during a certain show called the Jon Stewart show. Other times I compare myself with people of at least some intelligence and hence the bitching. Where’d that term come from I wonder though.
What term you ask?
Bitching, that’s what!!
Of course, in another sense of the word, your day could be bitchin' and you could still be bitching. But I digress. Why relate a word to a female dog you wonder? Let me tell you then….so do I!!! And I have no answer so let’s move on without further bitching about it.
I do find things to grumble (see I moved off, your turn) all the time though. My car, ah, now there’s an entity that could drive (pun intended) my whole life into a maze of nitpicking. Have you noticed that nothing’s right when your car’s wrong? Have you noticed also that your car is never right? See I love my car for that fact that it’s been with me two years and it takes me everywhere. But I have this weird feeling sometimes that if I’d had a real girl instead of her and spent the fortune I have on her, she’d probably be giving me shoulder rides to wherever I wanted anyways.
Which begs another question?
Why don’t I?
Why don’t I what?...
Why don’t I have a girl, ahhh that silly question…
Hmm, you like my complaining don’t you. Brave of you to tackle that topic. Well lemme get into the most detailed explanation possible for that question you put up. I don’t know yet again?...
There you have it. I have no clue why girls are so, well, different. Of course it doesn’t help that my social flamboyance is what you would call…ummm..non-existant. You should see me stammer when talking to a, what some would call, hot chic. It’s magnificent really. You wouldn’t ever see a more brilliant display of it. I have a sync problem with my mind then, which is desperately trying to think of topics to talk about, while my mouth being momentarily free of its master goes into weird convulsions making absurd noises. But you see, me with my incredible intelligence, I’ve figured a way out. The next time I meet and talk to a new girl I intend to remain silent. The whole freakin' conversation!!! Eh?? Beat that!!!
Genius you say? And I accept you compliment. That’s very polite of you.
Speaking of polite, have you ever noticed people go to such extreme lengths to be polite nowadays?
What lengths? Aww come on, it’s even hard to decide where to draw the line, sometimes literally.
Literally?? Yes!!!
Let me be more approximately specific (:-)). Allow me an instance, an example, a quad erat demonstrandum if you will. Have you ever gone through a door, that automagically swings shut behind you …
…hold your horses there...I know you have!! Let me get to the end of it…
Have you ever gone through such a door and out of the corner of your eye seen this other person coming up behind you? Have you held the door open for that person out of the, lets call it, politeness-factor now? Of course you have, and I’m still not done with my point. So how far does the person coming behind you have to be, before you decide you are going to let the door swing shut and let the person open it again. The person’s looking right at you, that approaching specimen of mankind (by the way if it’s just one specimen is it a speci-MAN I wonder, but I digress yet again). So anyways, this person is coming right at you!!! An expectant gaze upon its mug, imploring you to hold the door open. Besides how long do you actually have to make a decision anyways? You have to admit, it would look tremendously asinine, if you actually held the door open for a few seconds and then let it go.
See what I meant about the literal line now?? There should be one at each “swing-close” door. If the approaching human (and we have to be specific here) is beyond that line, you let the door go free. How about that for a solution eh?
See I think, therefore I am. Although if I go by intelligent design, someone else thought and therefore I am…right?
What’s that, I think a lot? You say that like it’s a bad thing?
Overanalyze? How can you say that really?
Oh ok…I admit. I do it!! Overanalyze I mean. Have you ever talked to a person, and then two seconds after the conversation ends you think if it could have gone better? Then you are rehearsing a conversation you have already had , when you know that the exact same conversation would never ever happen again. Not on this universe, not in this dimension, not in your existence.
What you …ummm…haven’t done that?? Yeah...well neither have I!!! I was just testing you. Now don’t be bitching about it!!!
